Jared Eats World

I hate foodies.

There, I’ve said it. It was hard. It’s been eating at me for weeks, but I had to get it out. Who is a foodie? You. Yes you. You’re the one I hate. I hate you and your “cool” places to eat. You know, the one you frequent in Midtown. That place that charges you $15.00 for an appetizer of polenta, that’s 4 days old…. and you eat that crap. You eat it all up. You rave about how amazing the polenta was, and how this is the greatest, coolest, hippest, and most badical restaurant since… well, since eating at cool and badical restaurants became cool.

Look, I’m not here to put anyone down… I’m here to tell you that I’m sick of all the neo-downtown hipsters that can’t even afford to eat out. But you do! Every night; and everything is exquisite. You sicken me. You wouldn’t know a good wine if it stabbed you in the face. You don’t know the difference between a 2003 Heitz Cabernet or a 2003 Carlos Rossi. You couldn’t even tell me why a chicken breast is different than a chicken leg……… but you pretend you do. That’s why I hate you. I hate you because you’re dishonest.

I guess I’m just angry. Angry at the fact that you’re a lemming, and you have no real idea what real/good food is. I’ve had pasta with butter and cheese that probably tasted better than your $50.00 dry aged beef. If I told you that, you’d tell me I’m wrong. That’s just the way you are.

If you’ve reach this part of my post… then you’re probably asking yourself, “Jared, aren’t you a foodie?” My answer is yes, but no. I guess I hate myself, kinda… but not really. I’m not an annoying foodie. Those are the people that grate at my skin. If those people were hanging on a ledge by 1 hand… screaming for help. I’d put my ipod earbuds in, only because I just want to hear them stop talking. Maybe they can talk about how amazing their cool, badical, and amazing local hotdog restaurant is, as they’re falling to their impending doom.

I guess what Im trying to say, is that I just want someone to enjoy a meal, and when asked why they liked it… the response is, “it was just really good.” Simple food is simply delicious. Let me rephrase… simple, REAL, and FRESH food is simply delicious; and hardly anyone does it right. Whether it cost $100.00 a plate or $10.00… just throw out your fake mustache, and enjoy the company of your friends and family, with the food and wine you have. Just be honest and real about food…. and maybe, just maybe, I’ll invite you over for a cool, awesome, and badical dinner that I made from my cool, awesome, and badical kitchen. For free.