About Me
Hi, I’m Jared. I’ve been sitting here for a while trying to come up with a good reason to write an “About Me” section… and I don’t have one. I figured that if you’re reading my website, then you probably know more about me than my neighbors. If you’re new here, I’ll try to sum everything up quickly for you:
I was born in a small province near the mountains of Norway… I made a living out of sewing rabbit pelts and trading them for large sticks of Peruvian bobcat skin. I once ate nothing but chicken, rice, and pasta to stay alive during the mild and enjoyable spring of ’98. I can count to 15 with my eyes closed, and I can do it on command. I once single-handedly ate an entire package of Oreos… without dipping them in milk. Lately, I’ve been ghost-riding my whip, but only on Sundays when everyone else is at church.